On Caravans

My parents gave up camping after my father Eddie, a policeman, was injured during the Toxteth riots. Convalescing, he didn’t fancy wrangling the enormous frame tent onto the roof rack and was finally in a financial position to buy a modest caravan.
Matthew De Abaitua, Eddie Humphreys and caravan
My grandparents had owned a caravan. I have a vague memory of being allowed to sleep in it while the rest of my family slept in the awning: I was the youngest, after all.
vintage caravan
On our first trip in Eddie’s new caravan, it fell to me to perform the tasks that might have aggravated his injury: to drag the caravan onto its immaculate cut-grass pitch, to put down the four legs with a wheel wrench, to fetch the water and empty the waste. My parents were cautious types: they liked the assurance and peace of mind that came from Caravan Club sites and Caravan Club insurance. My mother’s great fear, often voiced, was that they would one day find themselves accidentally driving down the Champs Elysees with the caravan, like one of those anxiety dreams in which you find yourself naked on a train.
As a committed camper, I’ve taken a different path from the rest of my family. My sister has a caravan, my brother had a caravan while he was in the UK. They would meet for caravan holidays and I would occasionally camp with my wife and children somewhere nearby: I like a campfire, and while caravanners and campers can get on, campfires and caravans most definitely do not.
The difference between campers and caravanners can be summed up in one detail from a Mass Observation report in 1970: when campers were asked ‘No Matter How Much You Like It, You Have to Admit Camping Can Be Pretty Miserable Some of the Time’, seventy-two per cent of them agreed with the statement. When the same question was put to caravanners, only fifty-five per cent agreed. Caravanning spares its followers the worst of the indignities and discomforts suffered by campers.
vintage caravan
While researching my history of camping The Art of Camping: The History and Practice of Sleeping Under the Stars, I came across a few details about the early history of caravanning that I couldn’t use in the book but can share now.
I was surprised to discover that caravanning was referred to as ‘land yachting’ in the Edwardian era and that writer H Rider Haggard, author of She and King Solomon’s Mines, was one-time chair of the Caravan Club. In the summer of 1907 Lady Arthur Grosvenor, sister-in-law to the Duke of Westminster, travelled through Oxfordshire disguised as a gypsy and calling herself Syeira Lee. She was bound for Ascot, of course. It was part of the bohemian vogue for all things gypsy, with artists of the time such as Augustus John affecting the dash of the ‘Romany Rye’.Rider Haggard took against the new fangled motor caravan and protested strongly against the innovation, saying:

‘Nowadays people are going a good deal too fast and are trying to cram into one day what they should do in a week. Motors are making life intolerable. I believe that the world is going far too rapidly and that we shall have to pay for it. Caravaning tends to counteract the evils of the day; it gives people time to think and brings them into contact with nature.’

Another early advocate of caravanning Bertram Smith toured Britain in 1907 and wrote Caravan Days, his homage to his pursuit. Bertram Smith always slept on a veranda in the open air, summer and winter alike. As a young man in Liverpool (the home town of my parents), he toured the Cheshire lanes by night and at weekend. His caravan was drawn by two horse, Sam and Simon, and his driver and handy man was called Herbert, and he slept nearby in an Alpine tent of about seven foot square. Bertram Smith had been a keen camper and was perceptive about the differences between it and caravanning:

‘Caravanning is sometimes attacked for its complexity and elaboration, compared with camping-out. But it is of a different order altogether. By all means if you are going to live in a tent and I am myself a keen lover of canvas cut down your necessities and simplify to the last degree. But the special charm of a caravan is in complexity and completeness, the whole fun of it is to bring with you a dwelling fitted out in every detail, even to shoe-horns and paper-knives.’

Du Pont’s Camping Auto

Colonel T Coleman Du Pont was an arms dealer, an elected senator and, in the words of President Taft, “as slippery as an eel and crooked as a ram’s horn.” He was also the inventor of the “Camping Car”.
Coleman Du Pont's camping auto

T Coleman Du Pont had a 1911 Stoddard-Dayton “Camping Car” built to his specifications so that he could live in it for long stretches with all the comforts of home. The interior accommodated a six foot hair mattress, the exterior had racks and packs for supplies, lockers for carrying stoves and a long box on each running board in which the tent was kept.

The tent was made of balloon waterproof silk and supported by six tent poles, each six feet high. When the car tent was pitched, it consisted of three compartments, with the interior of the car acting as a bedroom, abutted by two boxy tent rooms. T Coleman Du Pont’s camping car also came with electric light, powered by one of Thomas Edison’s storage batteries constantly charged by a dynamo powered by the engine.
Coleman Du Pont's camping auto car
T Coleman Du Pont required a camping car to monitor the progress of a road he wanted built across Delaware, a one million and three hundred thousand dollar, ninety-six mile long monument to himself. The construction workers also camped, even through the snow, when they were mainly preoccupied with keeping warm, playing cards, drinking and fighting.

Camping with The Chap

The new issue of The Chap contains my article on the Edwardian camping scene and includes invaluable advice as to how a chap should camp (in tweed, a Gentleman’s Kevlar), coinciding with the forthcoming publication of The Art of Camping.
Cover of the new issue of The Chap featuring a gentleman in pith helmet and binoculars
The Chap also includes a brilliant article describing how to use the remnants of a hearty dinner to re-enact key battles in British history; in this issue, the Battle of Waterloo.

Vintage camping by the river

Camping out by the riverside 1873Five men camping beside a river. Perhaps six. A dixie on the fire, coffee from the pot, and one of them doing the washing up. Is that a sixth man leaning back in the shadow of the tent’s interior, or a bundle of rags. The men lie or sit on the ground, gazing down at their various tasks. Some are barefoot and all are wearing what appear, to my untrained eye, to be sleeping caps. The year is 1873 and we may just be spying upon breakfast at camp.

The Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘N’ Roll Were Incidental

The festival issue of Five Dials (number 13) included my story The Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘N’ Roll Were Incidental, which is a review of the Woodstock music festival as a failed camping holiday.

The story is reproduced here.

Five Dials issue 13 the Festival IssueFive Dials is an online literary magazine from my publishers Hamish Hamilton, and it is free. With an impressive roster of contributors (who I am honoured to join), Five Dials can be downloaded here.

Vintage camping in 1908

I spent yesterday in the British Library with The Campers’ Handbook by THH Holding, published in 1908. A sepia photograph shows us the author at camp; he is a chunky and kindly chap, grey at the temples and with an amenable unkempt moustache, relaxing in a straw boater and collarless white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His pipe is tucked in the crook of his palm. I have much to write about Holding’s classic handbook but for now I will share only this alluring account of family camping:

“I have just visited an ideal family camp. It is on an island in a river. There was the eating tent, the sleeping tent, the servant’s tent, the cooking tent for wet weather, and the overboat tent. Here the family and their servants were spending a ‘savage’ holiday.”

And his observation of the enthusiasm Edwardian women brought to the pursuit.
“Perhaps I may be permitted to say here that I have seen them [women] excel men, too, in smartness and cleverness. How quickly they pick up the making and mounting of a tent and its appliances, the cooking and the tidying up, and how they take to the bathing. How the beautiful spirit of brightness and the merry ring of their laughter within hearing of the men is an added pleasure to all.”

Where To Pitch A Tent

I woke up this morning on the floor of a Hackney flat overlooking London Fields. As I lay there, mind churning to restart, I considered the question of where to pitch a tent.

Keswick, 1968
Keswick, 1968

On level ground free of stones or roots, with soil that is not so boggy as to indicate risk of flooding. Neither on top of a hill nor directly at the bottom and certainly not half-way up. Do not pitch directly under large leafy trees, as a steady run-off of rainfall and greenery can damage the outer tent, but stay proximate to any shade they may offer. Take advantage of natural cover from the wind such as hedgerows. So far, so obvious.

The sensible pitcher, having taken account of nature, then considers human needs. Close to water and ablutions but not too close. Plan out in your mind where you are going to cook and whether the smoke will blow into your tent or that of your neighbour’s. Leave a sufficient distance between yourself and other tents to perpetuate the illusion of privacy. When I prepare to pitch, my senses buzz with the awareness of territory already claimed; the temporary ownership rights of others, the fine line between joining a group and infringing upon it.

We pitch our tents far apart so that our hearts may stay closer together

Back in the Hackney flat, I rose and dressed, and took the liberty of making myself a cup of tea. The previous evening I had broken the cardinal rule of pitching – I had set my bed in the dark. The arrangement of sofa cushions, bust sleeping bag and empty cans of lager did not represent best practise. My host remained in bed. On the balcony I drank a brew and watched the school run. Three children in yellow safety helmets rode bikes of descending size behind their mother. A brother and sister hurried to make the bell but still did not let go of one another’s hands.

In my mind, I addressed these youngsters with the self-satisfaction of experience:
Don’t pitch your tent within sight of the pyramid stage, I thought. You’ll regret it.
Don’t pitch your tent next to the bonfire, unless you like to fall asleep to the sound of bongos and conspiracy theories concerning contrails.
Don’t pitch your tent right next door to your friends.

There is a Bedouin proverb: we pitch our tents far apart so that our hearts may stay closer together. Far apart so that the sound of their snoring will not disturb. Far apart so that the first thing you see in the morning is not their battered hungover face as it emerges from the tent to verify suspicions about the weather. And, most crucially, far apart so that we are spared the hell of one another domestic routines. No-one should have to listen to me harrying the children into line. No-one should have to listen to Cath and I debate breakfast, the constant exchange of banal information required to keep the family on target. Let us get our shit together before we are expected to be social. Let me at least wash my face.

We are both currently off the treadmill of regular paid employment, as is the fashion this season

I often cite this Bedouin proverb when friends suggest renting a cottage together. Regardless of everyone’s good intentions, such holidays have an undertone of passive aggressive negotiation about differing domestic standards. Families can’t share kitchens. Camping is better – let us come together around the ancient brotherhood of a campfire, rather than around a dining table, with its baggage of bourgeois food performance anxiety and over-familiar topics of conversation.

Nine o’clock came and went. My host remained in bed. We are both currently off the treadmill of regular paid employment, as is the fashion this season. Still, I had an appointment to keep with a job I once had. A job that I meet now and again for coffee: the final negotiations in the break-up of a long-term relationship. I called up the stairs to thank my host for his hospitality but he was asleep. So I packed up the sleeping bag, restored the sofa cushions to their place, and crushed up the empty cans and placed them in the recycling. How you strike camp is as important as how you pitch it. One simple rule applies. Leave No Trace. I opened the windows to air the room and thus I left it just as I had found it.

Vintage camping

Tom and Florence sit side by side in deck chairs: he is wearing a cap and glasses and she has her hands resting on her lap, holding a handbag. Arrayed before them, their three daughters on sun loungers, Brenda, Sheila and Sylvia. Then the two son in laws Billy and my father Eddie are in shot (I presume the missing son in law took the photograph), sat apart and at the edges, with an intermingling of grandchildren in the foreground (but not me, I am unborn).

Tom and Florence Bateman with family
Tom and Florence Bateman with family

This picture captures the outpouring of family that has issued from my grandparents, and it shows how the extended family came together on these holidays – with the matriach and patriach in their tin bubble of a caravan surrounded by the next generation in their A-frame tents. My earliest memories involve such pan-generational camping trip. My father drove non-stop from Liverpool to Brittany and we arrived at near midnight, far too late to camp. As the youngest of the entire family, I was given the privilige of sleeping in Tom and Florence’s caravan while my parents and siblings kipped in their awning. But I am upset. Tom can’t understand why. I am asking for a cherry. Cherry! He won’t go to sleep without a cherry. No, Jerry. He wants Jerry. His bear. Eventually Jerry was tracked down. My father, already asleep, was using him as a pillow. My teddy.